(This post contains affiliate links. This means that if you purchase through these links I receive a small commission at no cost to you. For more information see our disclosure policy here)
Chances are you are already a pretty awesome mom! But because it is such a thankless and tireless work it can feel totally overwhelming. And when we feel overwhelmed, it makes us feel like we are inadequate! But relax, you are a great mom! These few tips are little adjustments that can be implemented when you’re in those ruts to help you feel like a better mom!
But really take a deep breath, and think about 3 good things you have already done today that make you a great mom! We are all trying to do our best, and we just need to give ourselves credit where credit it due!
These tips are things I have found that (when I remember to do them) make me feel better about the mom I am! So buckle up, here we go!
Don't Sweat the Small Stuff
I have been far too guilty of making a huge deal out of thing that really aren’t.
So the milk got spilled, the toddler drew on the wall, or the outside door got left open for the umpteenth time!
While in the moment it seems like this huge ordeal or something to get upset about, I have realized that it’s just not worth the energy.
My initial reaction when something goes wrong is frustration. But that usually makes me react to my kids in a not so positive way.
The more I have practiced letting go of things that are small. the easier it is to not get upset when they happen.
Just plan on the milk to spill, the door to get left open, and the house to look like kids live there! And then when those things happen they aren’t such ordeals.
Usually when I’ve gotten upset about something small, I realize how stupid it was to have been bothered at all. Kids are kids, and if we are constantly affected by little things, no one is going to be happy!
Don’t sweat the small stuff, let it go!
Raise Kids, not a house
This is actually my dads advice he gave to my mom growing up. And it’s true!
While I love having a clean house, I’m not raising a house, I’m raising kids.
Things are going to get messy. Whether it’s toys, laundry, dishes kids are just messy!
Our home is far from being pinterest worthy every day, but it isn’t a huge mess either! We pick up everyday, and the kids have chores to help keep our house tidy.
But I have realized that it doesn’t do anyone any good for me to follow the kids around all day cleaning up after them.
We play all day, and clean up as we go. And anything left out at the end of the night gets cleaned up at our nightly clean up routine!
The time that I do get to spend with the kids playing rather than cleaning is invaluable! When my kids ask me to come play, I try to drop any housework I am doing and say yes.
And when I do get down and play with them, I feel better about the mom I am being! Maybe I have some dishes to finish after they go to bed, but it was worth the time I had to be with them!
Spend More Time in "Kid Mode"
So often we as moms have forgotten how to be in “kid mode.” Which is ironic since we are around kids all day!
But we have forgotten how to play like a kid! It can be difficult when there is a laundry list of things that need to be done. But times spent engaging with our kids is so important.
Spend more time doing something they love. Or find something you both love to do together. I love to hand letter, so anytime my kids want to color or draw with sidewalk chalk, I’m all over that.
Because it is fun for both of us, I can get more into kid mode with them. As a result we end up having more quality time together!
Think of the games you used to love playing as a kid and play them with your kids. This week I taught my daughter how to play SlapJack and she loved it!
It was enjoyable to see her like something that I liked when I was younger. And it was a fun way to connect with her.
Trust me, when you have spent real quality, engaged time with your kids you feel like an awesome mom! And your kids feel like you’re an awesome mom too!
Be careful when you’re in “kid mode” to not be the bossy kid though! If mom mode crosses into play time, your kids may not enjoy their playtime with you!
Look in Their Eyes
When my son was 2 he could talk like a 4 year old. And did he ever talk. All day long he just talked and talked and talked.
One day he came up to me and I was doing something on my phone and he was trying to talk to me.
He was looking me straight in the eyes and telling me something that was super important to him.
I looked up from my phone and was hit with a ton of bricks with the realization that I wasn’t looking back at him. Instead I was looking at a phone doing something that probably wasn’t important at all.
It’s super annoying to talk to someone who is looking at their phone rather than you. Even though they may be responding, it doesn’t feel like they’re actually engaging with you. Kids totally feel that when parents respond without looking at them.
Kids haven’t learned to not look you in the eyes when they talk to you. That is how they engage with you! Babies stare into their parents eyes before they can ever communicate!
If your kids are talking to you, chances are they’re looking you in the eyes. And what is more important than looking back at them and really listening and communicating with them.
I swore that I would try harder when my kids were talking to me to look at them. To really make the effort to put away any useless distractions and focus on them.
It has made a huge difference in my life as I have made this change. And my kids know they are my focus and I am listening when I am looking in their eyes.
Listen
As moms we often get so used to hearing our little people’s voices sometimes we tune them out.
While most the time what our kids say is probably not crucial for us to hear. If we aren’t listening to the little things, we won’t hear the stuff that really does matter!
Or our kids won’t tell us, because they know we aren’t listening anyways!
It’s amazing to go places and see parents completely ignore their children and give all their attention to their cell phones. I’m guilty, I’ve totally been that parent before.
But when you’re watching from the outside it’s lots easier to see.
My phone can be such a huge distraction to listening to my children speak. I really try to stay off it as much as possible so that when those moments do come where I am going to want to know something, I am listening.
After school is the time I try my best to be distraction free. I want to hear about how my kids days went, and for them to feel they have my undivided attention.
The more that I make the effort to listen to them, the more they talk. And the more I get to be a part of their lives.
Say I love you more
Hopefully our kids know we love them. But it’s one of the things I want to really pound into their heads!
We have a thing we do in our family whenever we wave goodbye. We sign I love you and wave the I love you to our family members.
It’s so fun to watch my kids try to learn how to sign I love you so that they can join in. They love it.
It’s a fun way to say I love you until the moment that they’re out of your sight!
When you’re leaving your kids or tucking them in bed, we usually tell them I love you. But what other times are we telling them we love them? Has it become a routine “I love you” or something that we are really putting in the effort to say?
It totally makes me kids day when I make the effort to say I love you at a non-routine time. Today I got right up in my sons face and said in a funny rough voice “I love you!” He started laughing and wrapped me up in a big hug.
It was a pay day for me!
Kids love to hear that you love them. Especially when it’s out of the regular times we typically say I love you.
Allow Mistakes
Allow your kids to make mistakes and allow yourself to make mistakes! I’m all too familiar with the mom guilt that accompanies my thoughts at the end of the day.
Guilt that I did this wrong, or didn’t do this right. Or guilt about saying something I should have said nicer, or taken the time to understand better.
I can’t expect perfection in myself. One of the things I love to tell my kids is that I’m still learning to be a mom. And I don’t have all the answers. Because I am still learning!
And when we learn something new, we make a lot of mistakes. Believe me, I make a LOT of mistakes as a mom. And I could beat myself up about them all day long.
But that really doesn’t do anyone any good. Find a solution to the problem, the way you want to handle the situation next time and try to improve.
This goes for your kids too. They’re going to make mistakes. Because like you, they’re learning. Learning to share, and cleanup and be kind. And they’re going to mess up along the way.
If our kids are terrified of making mistakes because they’re worried about mom’s reaction, they really going to struggle trying new things.
When we can exhibit for our kids that it’s okay to make mistakes, and show them how we deal with making mistakes, they will follow our example!
We are all going to mess things up! But allow yourself to make mistakes. Allow your kids to make mistakes. And learn from your mistakes and let them learn from theirs! And everyone will be happier!
Try To Do Better Everyday
We usually know what we need to do to be better. But it can be really hard to actually implement it! So start small and improve in one area at a time.
If you know that you struggle with getting kids out the door on time, devise a plan for how to do better. Come up with a few possible solutions, and choose the option that you’re most willing to do. And then do it!
Usually small adjustments in what we are doing have big impacts! So while there are big things you can probably do better at everyday, start out small!
When we feel we can accomplish a task we are much more likely to do it than something that seems really difficult. So if you start simple and small, you’ll be more likely to continue with that change!
Each day determine just one thing or way you want to try to do better the next day! It can be the same thing everyday for a few weeks until you manage to do it! Or you can choose something different every day!
But by setting a goal to do better at something, we give ourselves motivation to do it!
Try a little harder each day to do a little better. And slowly all those little things will add up to big things!
Find an outlet
Life gets super busy with kids. And I only hear that as they get older it gets busier! And I can definitely imagine why! So when I talk about finding an outlet for moms, the response is usually that there isn’t any time! This post talks about how to find time for your hobbies!
But it’s so important for you to spend some time doing something you enjoy. It seriously puts an energy into me that I can’t get anywhere else.
When you take the time to invest in yourself you have more to give. So find something you really enjoy doing, and then take the time you need to do it.
I saw a quote the other day that was a long the lines of “Spend 20 minutes doing something you love everyday, and if you don’t have 20 minutes, spend 1 hour.” Make the time for yourself.
And just as important as it is for you to have an outlet, help you kids find one too! No, not just something you signed them up for that keeps you all crazy busy. But something they really love and have passion for.
My daughter is super creative and I love watching her spend time drawing, or creating something. I can tell it fuels her, and is a way for her to really recharge!
Find something they absolutely love, that doesn’t have lot of strings and stresses attached to it like winning a game, or a competition.
It is so exciting to watch your kids do something they really love. And you can see the benefits that come with them participating in those things.
So why wouldn’t the same be true for you? Seriously go find something you love to do, and take the time to do it!
Let them be kids
There is a part in the movie Hook that my mom has frequently relayed to me. It’s when they’re in the airplane and the son is throwing the ball at the ceiling, and the oxygen masks fall out. The dad asks the son “When are you going to stop acting like a child?” And the sons reply is “But I am a child!”
Kids are kids, so let them act like it! Let them play and get dirty, fall and scuff their knees, make choices that will teach them lessons, and be kids!
I remember as a kid wanting so badly to be grown up. And now that I am here, I wish I would have enjoyed being a kid more! If our kids are so over-scheduled, over-homeworked, and over-chored they’re never going to get to be a kid! And that would be sad if they had to live their childhood acting like adults.
Sure, sometimes we wish they would act better, or talk nicer. But that’s how they learn is from their own experiences. While there does need to be a certain amount of discipline in kid’s lives, let’s remember to let them be kids.
I hope that as you go through mommy hood, you will find what works for you and your family so that you can be your best self! These 10 tips have been things I have found that work for me.
(And you can download the printable above for FREE when you sign up for our newsletter!)
I am always striving to do my best as the mother to my kids, and wish you the best in your endeavors to do the same!
If you have other great ways to feel better about how you’re doing as a mom, comment below and send them my way!
No comment yet, add your voice below!